It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I hope everyone had a nice holiday season. I have been in recovery mode, myself. I survived exams and tomorrow I begin a co-op placement at an underground physics laboratory. I got to spend the past couple of weeks simply relaxing at home, taking the time I need to feel human again.

While I am greatly looking forward to my co-op placement I am feeling a little bit sad about the end of my vacation, which is a little strange to me as I typically dislike the feeling of too much free time. But I suppose the sadness is a sign of the burnout I experienced this semester. For those of you who have been following along, you know it’s been a tough one. I wouldn’t hesitate to call it the toughest semester I have experienced so far. If you don’t typically read my blog and you’ve found your way here for the first time, feel free to check out my previous posts, but for now here are the Cliff’s Notes (plus some added details I left out of my previous posts):

• I was course overloading (in six classes instead of the typical full courseload of five)
• I was in what is notoriously one of the hardest semesters in undergrad physics
• I had eight weeks of extreme illness (bacterial pneumonia followed by a sinus infection followed by an ear infection) and on pretty heavy duty antibiotics
• Out of the nine midterms I wrote this semester, only one of them went smoothly and did not require me to expend time and energy fighting for the accommodations I require

But still, I managed to pass all of my classes and scrape out a few really good grades for myself (and a couple that I’ll just have to live with). I was pondering writing a sort of exam survival guide, with tips on how to study for science exams and self-care advice, and I just … could not. In every single post I’ve done, I have always strived for honesty and transparency, and a post like that would make me feel like a fraud, or a fake content creator.

First of all, I’m still learning how to study for science and still get extreme test anxiety, so I don’t always do the greatest on exams. This isn’t imposter syndrome when I say that I’m in no positition to give study advice until really I figure it out for myself.

I could tell you how I study for science, and how I’ve prepared for the tests that I have done well in, but (and this is my “second of all”) everyone is different. We learn differently, we process differently, and we will all have different methods or techniques that work for us. My recommendation is to try out a bunch of different ways until something clicks.

And third of all, I would be an absolutely hypocrite if I put out an exam survival guide with any kind of self-care tips in there. In the interest of honesty, my self-care was practically nonexistent for those three weeks. Schools love to roll out the self-care talk and the mental health resources at exam time, but honestly I think they would be of much better use during the regular semester so students can go into exam season with a deeper mental reserve to draw from. Exam season is a marathon, we need to train up for it. Not just academically, but in terms of our mental and physical health as well. But it needs to be done in the months leading up to it, just like marathoners train for months for big races.

I’m going to give my honest (and very possibly unpopular) opinion about exam season: you do what you have to do to survive. Every single academic blogger or influencer is going to be waving the “self-care” flag, but honestly, I did not have the time for that. I had somuch material to get through I was in the library for 14 hours a day. I brought my laptop, my notebook/tablet, a bag full of snacks, and made myself a nest on the silent study floor, only getting up for coffee and bathroom breaks. I’m not saying that’s healthy, I’m not saying that’s what you need to do. But in order to pass my exams, that is what I, in that time, needed to do.

The thing to keep in mind about exam season is that it is only three weeks. It will not last forever, one way or another it comes to an end. So I guess what I would say is try to be completely honest with yourself with what you need. And if it means white knuckling it out in the library for three weeks straight, so be it. You do what you need to. Survive on caffeine and willpower. Just be prepared to be equally honest with yourself about what you will need to recover from that. I have been spending the past couple of weeks doing nothing but self-care. I’m finally beginning to feel like me again, and I’m glad that’s happening as I start my co-op placement. It would have been heartbreaking to go into such a cool opportunity feeling like I did a couple of weeks ago.

And speaking of cool opportunities, I’ll be giving a talk at the Canadian Conference for Undergraduate Women and Gender Minorities in Physics (CCUW*IP) at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver at the end of the month. While I can’t say I’m exactly looking forward to giving another public talk, I am excited about the conference and will embrace the chance to do the hard scary thing again. That is at the end of this month, which means I had better prepare.

And so, alas, this brings me to the end of my vacation. Tomorrow brings me back onto the path of progress. It’s a new year, a new placement, and a new opportunity for learning and growth. Let’s go.